Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Puffer Fish



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The Retiree

Tom was in his early 50s, retired and started a second career. However, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time.

Every day, he was five, 10, 15 minutes late. But, he was a good worker and real sharp, so the boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it.

Finally, one day he called Tom into his office for a talk. "Tom, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic. You do a bang- up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome."

"Yes, I know boss and I am working on it."

"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though, your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Air Force. What did they say if you came in late there"?

"They said, 'Good morning, General.'"

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Monday, March 29, 2010

7 X 13 = 28



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Fat Little Man On A Turtle



OMG! He's killing it. The turtle is already vomitting.

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Orca the dolphin killer



This is the shocking moment a killer whale leapt from the sea to kill an exhausted dolphin.

The six-ton hunter had chased the female dolphin through the waves before swimming up under her and slamming into her, flipping her 30 feet into the air and breaking her back.
The dolphin died almost instantly and the killer whale, or orca, and the rest of its pod then closed in to devour her and her helpless youngster, turning the sea red.


Read more here.

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Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Spare Tyres



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20GB Then vs 32GB Now



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Don't Trust Profile Pictures



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Lara Croft, ermmm.. Soft



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Game cheater survives headshot



An argument between Counter-Strike players at a Chinese net café over suspected use of a ‘wallhack’ cheat led to a 17-year-old boy being stabbed through the head with a foot-long knife – and living to tell the tale.


He's probably using God Hack as well.

Read more here.

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Monday, March 22, 2010

Depp Hatter Tea Party



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Psychic

A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother.

The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?"

The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?"

"Yes granddaughter, it's me."

"It's really, really you, Grandmother?" the woman repeats.

"Yes, it's really me, granddaughter."

The woman looks puzzled: "You're sure it's you, Grandmother?"

"Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me."

The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you."

"Anything, my child."

"When did you learn to speak English"?

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Foxtrot On iPad



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Sunday, March 21, 2010

Walking Your Fish



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Fire Falls



Horsetail Fall in California flows only in winter and spring. Most days of its “life” this fall has a regular color. But every February, just for a couple of days, this fall turns into the fire. Lit by the sun, Horsetail Fall reflects orange and red rays. The view is especially picturesque at sunset. If you ever happen to be around this flaming waterfall near 20-th February, you better take photos of it from the parking lot of El Capitan picnic area.


More pics here.

Computer Cases Made From Wood



Here are several artistic examples of computer cases made from wood. Wood cases incorporate the natural world within the design and fit perfectly into the modern home. Once you have seen these awesome cases you will want to hid away your beige monstrosity.

More pics here.

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Thursday, March 18, 2010

How to Make Delicious, Healthy Homemade Potato Chips With a Microwave!



“Looking for a healthy, low-fat, easy, and delicious alternative to store-bought fried potato chips? Look no further! Learn how to make delicious, healthy homemade potato chips with a microwave!”

Instructions here.

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Pixar's The Terminator



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Hardcore Gamer's IQ Test



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Tiger Fever



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A Drinking Story

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."

"Of Course," replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"

"Dublin," comes the reply.

"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."

"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:"What school did you go to?"

"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.

"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."

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Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Bald Eagle Catches Dinner In Mid-Air



“This tiny starling didn’t stand a chance after a hungry bald eagle chose it as a mid-air snack. This incredible sequence of pictures shows the enormous bird of prey closing in on its target. The defenseless starling flies on, apparently unaware of the eagle behind it. But within seconds the eagle is so close its beak almost grazes the tail of the tiny bird. In one swift moment, the hunter’s razor-sharp claws have closed around its prey. Photographer Rob Palmer captured these incredible pictures in Colorado, U.S.”

More Pics here.

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Tom And Jerry Censored



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Finger Food



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Why Men Shouldn't Write Advice Columns



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Sunday, March 14, 2010

Biker's Bar

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over,looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says:

‘I went by your grandma’s house today and I saw her in the hallway buck-naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!’

The biker looks at him and doesn’t say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says: ’I got it on with your grandma and she is good, The best I ever had!’

The biker’s buddies are starting to get really mad ‘ but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, ‘I’ll tell you something else, boy, Your grandma liked it!’

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders and looks him square in the eyes and says………………..

‘Grandpa;………. Go home!

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Different Types Of Female Bodies



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Different Type Of Male Bodies



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Saturday, March 13, 2010

Pigeon Attack



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Hospital Bill

A man suffered a serious heart attack
and had open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself
in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital.
As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions
regarding how he was going to pay for services.
He was asked if he had health insurance.
He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked if he had money in the bank.
He replied, "No money in the bank."
The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."
The nun got a little perturbed and announced loudly.
"Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."
The patient replies,
"Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

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Procrastination





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Lion Owned By Zebra



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Thursday, March 11, 2010

BMW Table Cloth Trick



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Branches on Power Lines



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Car Mod of The Day



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Toasting Fail



Thanks Unreality

Soap Dispenser Fail




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Simply Havaianas




Havaianas (Brazilian Portuguese: [ˌavɐiˈjʌnɐs], usually pronounced by Americans as: [ˌhaviˈanəz].) is a Brazilian sandal brand (also known as flip-flops, thongs or jandals) that is exported internationally, for example, being featured at several stores in the United States and the Philippines. Since their creation in 1962, more than two billion pairs have been manufactured.

The flip-flop is originally a New Zealand invention, inspired by the Japanese rice straw and wood zori sandals used with kimono. Havaianas follow the original simple, functional design and sometimes feature a small symbol such as the Brazilian flag on the strap. The name Havaianas is Portuguese for Hawaiians.

There are several types of Havaianas, ranging from the traditional flat-heeled model to platforms.

Havaianas are produced by São Paulo Alpargatas SA. In its plant, located in the city of Campina Grande, five pairs of sandals per second are produced, generating an annual production of 105 million pairs.



More varieties and Get it online here.

Monday, March 8, 2010

A golfing wager

A fellow was getting ready to tee off by himself on the first hole

when a tall, stately, grey haired gentleman approached
and asked if he could join him.
The first man said that he usually played alone,
but agreed to the twosome.
They were even after the first two holes.
The tall, stately gentleman said,
“We’re about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?”
The first fellow said he was a pretty good player
, and that he wasn’t much for betting,

but agreed to the terms,

thinking we’re pretty even so far, so why not?

The stately gentleman played “straight & true” golf the rest of the round

and won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.
As they were walking off the 18th green, and while counting his $80,
the tall, stately golfer confessed that he was the teaching pro
at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers.
The first fellow revealed that he was the parish priest.
The pro got all flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money.
The priest said, “You won fair and square
and I was foolish to bet with you.
You keep your winnings.”
The pro said, “Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”
The priest said,
“Well, you could come to mass on Sunday and make a donation
. And, if you want to bring your mother and father along,
I’ll marry them.”

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Knowing Each Other

At a country club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl.
Immediately she began flattering him outrageously.
The guy liked the young lady,
but was taken a bit aback by her fast and ardent pitch
. He was amazed when after 30 minutes she seriously proposed marriage.
“Look,” he said. “We only met a half hour ago.
How can you be so sure?
We know nothing about each other.”
“You’re wrong,” she smiled.
“For the past 5 years I’ve been working in the back of the bank
where you have your account."
"I know all I need to know about you."

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Much Easier Life



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Speed - Bandwidth



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