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Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Your Last Supper -- 10 Foods That Could Kill You Dead
Ever eaten so much food you thought you might die? If you're like most Americans, at some point today you'll experience the gut-busting pain of cramming way too much food down your gullet.
The good news is that too much turkey probably won't actually kill you. But if you were to gobble down one too many apricots, cyanide-containing stones and all, there's a definite chance you could die, as fatalities in large apricot-growing areas such as Turkey have proven.
Investigating the darker side of our culinary world, Asylum intrepidly discovers the foodstuffs that could actually kill you.
Read more here.
The good news is that too much turkey probably won't actually kill you. But if you were to gobble down one too many apricots, cyanide-containing stones and all, there's a definite chance you could die, as fatalities in large apricot-growing areas such as Turkey have proven.
Investigating the darker side of our culinary world, Asylum intrepidly discovers the foodstuffs that could actually kill you.
Read more here.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
GATE CRASHERS
It was at a party and the host was getting worried
because there were too many people and not enough
refreshments.
She was sure that not all these people were invited
but did not know how to tell which ones were the
crashers. Then the husband got an idea.
He turned to the crowd and said, 'Will those who are
from the bride's side of the family stand up please?'
About twenty people stood up.
Then he asked, 'Will those of you who are from the
groom's side of the family stand up as well?'
About twenty five people stood up.
Then he smiled and said, 'Will all those who stood up
please leave, this is a birthday party!'.
because there were too many people and not enough
refreshments.
She was sure that not all these people were invited
but did not know how to tell which ones were the
crashers. Then the husband got an idea.
He turned to the crowd and said, 'Will those who are
from the bride's side of the family stand up please?'
About twenty people stood up.
Then he asked, 'Will those of you who are from the
groom's side of the family stand up as well?'
About twenty five people stood up.
Then he smiled and said, 'Will all those who stood up
please leave, this is a birthday party!'.
T-G-I-F vs. S-H-I-T
A business man got on an elevator.
When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who
greeted him with a bright,
"T-G-I-F."
He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."
She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more
slowly.
He again answered, "S-H-I-T."
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled
her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly,
"T-G-I-F."
The man smiled back to her and once again,
"S-H-I-T."
The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.
'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank Goodness It's
Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"
The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry,
Honey, It's Thursday -- duuhhh
When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who
greeted him with a bright,
"T-G-I-F."
He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."
She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more
slowly.
He again answered, "S-H-I-T."
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled
her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly,
"T-G-I-F."
The man smiled back to her and once again,
"S-H-I-T."
The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.
'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank Goodness It's
Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"
The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry,
Honey, It's Thursday -- duuhhh
Cutting off
One day a construction worker left the job a little early, and when he got home he found his wife in bed with another man. Purple with rage, he hauled the man down the stairs and into the garage where he proceeded to secure his dick in a vice.
Utterly terrified, the man screamed, "Stop, stop! you're not going to cut it off, are you? ARE YOU?"
"Nope," replied the construction worker, "You are...I'm going to set the garage on fire."
Utterly terrified, the man screamed, "Stop, stop! you're not going to cut it off, are you? ARE YOU?"
"Nope," replied the construction worker, "You are...I'm going to set the garage on fire."
Russian Gold Reserve
Historically, gold holds its value and is the experts’ pick for diversifying your portfolio and potentially increasing its performance. In fact, gold has increased in value over 150% since 2001. As opposed to equities, which can go from very high levels down to zero in a very short time, gold is never going to zero. When other markets collapse, gold has historically seen huge increases in value as people make a quick flight to quality. Gold investing allows individuals to accumulate assets that protect their wealth.
More pics here.
More pics here.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Power Of Prayers
In a small Texas town, (Mt. Vernon)
Drummond's bar began construction on a new building to increase their business..
. The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from opening
with petitions and prayers.
Work progressed right up till the week before opening
when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground.
The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that,
until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds
that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building,
either through direct or indirect actions or means.
The church vehemently denied all responsibility
or any connection to the building's demise in its reply to the court.
As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork...
At the hearing he commented,
'I don't know how I'm going to decide this,
but as it appears from the paperwork,
we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer,
and an entire church congregation that does not.'
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Drummond's bar began construction on a new building to increase their business..
. The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from opening
with petitions and prayers.
Work progressed right up till the week before opening
when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground.
The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that,
until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds
that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building,
either through direct or indirect actions or means.
The church vehemently denied all responsibility
or any connection to the building's demise in its reply to the court.
As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork...
At the hearing he commented,
'I don't know how I'm going to decide this,
but as it appears from the paperwork,
we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer,
and an entire church congregation that does not.'
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Saturday, November 21, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Facebook Easter Egg: Screen Flares
Press up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Enter
On any Facebook page you will see some flares shoot across the screen NES style.
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Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Wedding Pole Dancers Bloopers
EMBED-The Wedding Crasher - Watch more free videos
Should be expecting something when someone like her dances like this.
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Monday, November 16, 2009
Rookie Cop
A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner.
A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.
officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.
The rookie rolled down his window and said,
"Let's get off the corner people."
A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again...
"I SAID, let's get off that corner... NOW!"
Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.
Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked,
"Well, how did I do?"
"Pretty good," chuckled the vet,
"especially since this is a bus stop!"
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A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.
officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.
The rookie rolled down his window and said,
"Let's get off the corner people."
A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again...
"I SAID, let's get off that corner... NOW!"
Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.
Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked,
"Well, how did I do?"
"Pretty good," chuckled the vet,
"especially since this is a bus stop!"
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Blaming The Products Makers
Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is It true theys suin' them cigarette companies fer causin' People to git cancer ?"
"Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.
"And now someone is suin' them fast food restaurants Fer makin' them fat, an cloggin' their arteries with all them burgers an fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?"
"Sure is, Bubba."
"And that lady sued McDonalds for millions when she was gave that hot coffee that she ordered?"
"Yep."
"And that football player sued that university when he gradiated and still couldn't read?"
"That's right," said the lawyer."
"But why are you asking?"
"Well, I was thinkin'.... What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser fer all them ugly women I slept with?"
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"Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.
"And now someone is suin' them fast food restaurants Fer makin' them fat, an cloggin' their arteries with all them burgers an fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?"
"Sure is, Bubba."
"And that lady sued McDonalds for millions when she was gave that hot coffee that she ordered?"
"Yep."
"And that football player sued that university when he gradiated and still couldn't read?"
"That's right," said the lawyer."
"But why are you asking?"
"Well, I was thinkin'.... What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser fer all them ugly women I slept with?"
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Sunday, November 15, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Clockwords Prelude
Clockwords is a hectic word game set in Victorian London. You are a genius inventor who discovers plans for a mysterious machine that runs on the power of language. Then your lab is infiltrated by mechanical insects that have come to steal your secrets!
You must think and type quickly to fend off the invaders. To destroy the bugs, you need to collect powerful letters. Some letters can be combined to increase their power.
Play it here.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Spare Change
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"
Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
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Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"
Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
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The Trouble With Father
“The trouble with father,” said the gilded youth, “is that he has no
idea of the value of money.”
“You don’t mean to imply that he is a spendthrift?”
“Not at all. But he puts his money away and doesn’t appear to have any
appreciation of all the things he might buy with it.”
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idea of the value of money.”
“You don’t mean to imply that he is a spendthrift?”
“Not at all. But he puts his money away and doesn’t appear to have any
appreciation of all the things he might buy with it.”
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Gay Day
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman “Give me six double vodkas.”
The barman says “Wow!, you must have had one hell of a day.”
“Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.”
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today, the answer came back, “I’ve just found out that my younger brother is gay too!”
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.
The bartender says “Geez! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?”
“Yeah, my wife…”
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The barman says “Wow!, you must have had one hell of a day.”
“Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.”
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today, the answer came back, “I’ve just found out that my younger brother is gay too!”
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.
The bartender says “Geez! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women?”
“Yeah, my wife…”
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Saturday, November 7, 2009
Ice Fishing
A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.
For weeks she read and studied every book, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough, and out she went for her first ice fishing trip.
She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.
When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool, and carefully laid out her tools.
Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, “There are no fish under the ice!”
Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole. Again the voice from above bellowed, “There are no fish under the ice!” Amazed, the blonde wasn’t quite sure what to do, as this certainly wasn’t covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly — tools in the right place, chair positioned just so, everything.
Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again, “There are no fish under the ice!”
Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked, “Is that you, Lord?”
The voice boomed back, “No, this is the manager of the skating rink!”
via
For weeks she read and studied every book, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough, and out she went for her first ice fishing trip.
She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.
When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool, and carefully laid out her tools.
Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, “There are no fish under the ice!”
Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole. Again the voice from above bellowed, “There are no fish under the ice!” Amazed, the blonde wasn’t quite sure what to do, as this certainly wasn’t covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly — tools in the right place, chair positioned just so, everything.
Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again, “There are no fish under the ice!”
Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked, “Is that you, Lord?”
The voice boomed back, “No, this is the manager of the skating rink!”
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Wrong Way
As a 100 year old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on I-280. Please be careful!”
“Hell,” said Herman, “it’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”
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Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on I-280. Please be careful!”
“Hell,” said Herman, “it’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”
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Thursday, November 5, 2009
Hairless Bear
It may be funny at first, but it’s actually a sad story - vets don’t know why this female bear living at a zoo in Leipzig lost her hair. Moreover, it happened to all the other female bears of this zoo…
More pics here.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Vigrin test
A young man was planning to get married
and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin.
The doctor said,
'Well, you need three things. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint and a shovel.'
The man was astonished and asked,
'So what do I do with these?'
The doc replied,
'Before the wedding night, you paint your one ball red and the other ball blue.
If she says,
'That's the strangest pair of balls I ever saw',
you hit her head with the shovel.'
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and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin.
The doctor said,
'Well, you need three things. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint and a shovel.'
The man was astonished and asked,
'So what do I do with these?'
The doc replied,
'Before the wedding night, you paint your one ball red and the other ball blue.
If she says,
'That's the strangest pair of balls I ever saw',
you hit her head with the shovel.'
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Tomatoes helps lose weight
Forget fancy diets and strict exercise regimes. The key to keeping trim could simply be eating lots of tomatoes. Eating the fruit leaves you feeling satisfied, suppressing the urge to snack, which is one of a slimmer’s main pitfalls. It is thought tomatoes are rich in compounds that alter levels of appetite hormones, making them an easy – and cheap – way to keep hunger pangs at bay. The findings emerged from research into the benefits of enriching white bread with fruit and vegetables. A small group of normal weight women aged between 18 and 35 were offered cream cheese sandwiches that had been made with either white bread or bread that had been enriched with carrots or tomatoes. It was thought that the extra fibre provided by the carrot would make the carrot-bread lunches the most filling. Instead, the tomato bread was the most satisfying, a nutritional conference in France heard.
Story here.
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Monday, November 2, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
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