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Thursday, April 29, 2010
Murphy Laws
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.
The road to success... is always under construction.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.
Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.
If at first you don't succeed... destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down,
it will always land on the buttered side.
Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible
corner.
As soon as you mention something... if it is good, it is taken. If it is
bad, it happens.
He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.
If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late... the bus is still
late.
Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold
somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front
of you will always have the most complex of transactions.
If you have paper, you don't have a pen... If you have a pen, you don't have
paper... if you have both, no one calls.
The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.
After a long wait for bus No.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in
together and the bus which you get in, will be more crowded than the other.
If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.
Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will
always tend to go to the non-smoker
via
To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.
The road to success... is always under construction.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.
Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.
If at first you don't succeed... destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down,
it will always land on the buttered side.
Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible
corner.
As soon as you mention something... if it is good, it is taken. If it is
bad, it happens.
He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.
If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late... the bus is still
late.
Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold
somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front
of you will always have the most complex of transactions.
If you have paper, you don't have a pen... If you have a pen, you don't have
paper... if you have both, no one calls.
The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.
After a long wait for bus No.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in
together and the bus which you get in, will be more crowded than the other.
If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.
Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will
always tend to go to the non-smoker
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Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
World Strangest Hotel
Sleep Married or Single
A woman army driver, after a long drive arrived at her destination,
a remote camp, at midnight.
The sergeant on duty showed her where to leave the vehicle,
and then said, "Where will you sleep tonight?"
She said, "Well, the only thing I could do is to sleep in the cab."
The sergeant thought for a moment and said
, "It's a cold night, tell you what, you can have my bunk if you like,
I'll sleep on the floor."
The girl eagerly accepted the offer.
After the girl turned in, she felt sorry for the sergeant
sleeping there on the cold hard floor,
and offered him to squeeze in alongside of her on the bunk.
Without much ado, the sarge got in and then said,
"Do you want to sleep single or married?"
The girl giggled and said,
"It'd be nice if we slept 'married', don't you?"
"Well okay, if that's what you want, we'll sleep 'married' then,"
he said turning his back on her and fell asleep.
via
a remote camp, at midnight.
The sergeant on duty showed her where to leave the vehicle,
and then said, "Where will you sleep tonight?"
She said, "Well, the only thing I could do is to sleep in the cab."
The sergeant thought for a moment and said
, "It's a cold night, tell you what, you can have my bunk if you like,
I'll sleep on the floor."
The girl eagerly accepted the offer.
After the girl turned in, she felt sorry for the sergeant
sleeping there on the cold hard floor,
and offered him to squeeze in alongside of her on the bunk.
Without much ado, the sarge got in and then said,
"Do you want to sleep single or married?"
The girl giggled and said,
"It'd be nice if we slept 'married', don't you?"
"Well okay, if that's what you want, we'll sleep 'married' then,"
he said turning his back on her and fell asleep.
via
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
How I’d Hack Your Weak Passwords
A lot about Alot
The Alot is an imaginary creature that I made up to help me deal with my compulsive need to correct other people's grammar. It kind of looks like a cross between a bear, a yak and a pug, and it has provided hours of entertainment for me in a situation where I'd normally be left feeling angry and disillusioned with the world.
For example, when I read the sentence "I care about this alot," this is what I imagine:
Read more here.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Horror Stationary Designs
Most office stationery is sooo boring. But this guy, Jacques Pense, is an awesome designer who came up with the greatest idea of stationery designs I ever saw. His 13th Street “Stationery of Horror” really grabs attention! I wouldn’t mind having a couple of envelopes and CDs to freak my colleagues out ;)
More pics here.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Children Super Hero Fantasy
At his request, each morning 3-year-old Ray's mother pinned a bath towel to the back shoulders of his size two T-shirt. Immediately in his young imaginative mind, the towel became a magic blue and red cape. And he became Superman.
Outfitted each day in his "cape," Ray's days were packed with adventure and daring escapades. He was Superman.
This fact was clearly pointed out last fall when his mother enrolled him in kindergarten class. During the course of the interview, the teacher asked Ray his name.
"Superman," he answered politely and without hesitation.
The teacher smiled, cast an appreciative glance at his mother, and asked again, "Your real name, please."
Again, Ray answered, "Superman."
Realizing the situation demanded more authority, or maybe to hide amusement, the teacher closed her eyes for a moment, then in a stern voice said, "I will have to have your real name for my records."
Sensing he'd have to play straight with the teacher, Ray slid his eyes around the room, hunched closer to her, and answered in a voice hushed with conspiracy, "Clark Kent."
via
Outfitted each day in his "cape," Ray's days were packed with adventure and daring escapades. He was Superman.
This fact was clearly pointed out last fall when his mother enrolled him in kindergarten class. During the course of the interview, the teacher asked Ray his name.
"Superman," he answered politely and without hesitation.
The teacher smiled, cast an appreciative glance at his mother, and asked again, "Your real name, please."
Again, Ray answered, "Superman."
Realizing the situation demanded more authority, or maybe to hide amusement, the teacher closed her eyes for a moment, then in a stern voice said, "I will have to have your real name for my records."
Sensing he'd have to play straight with the teacher, Ray slid his eyes around the room, hunched closer to her, and answered in a voice hushed with conspiracy, "Clark Kent."
via
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Funny Shades
It all started on May 18th when a gorilla named Bokito escaped from the Rotterdam Zoo. It was during his daring escape that the animal attacked a female visitor, because he didn’t much care for the way her shifty eyes looked at him. Humans in charge decided that the woman’s direct eye contact led to the attack, since gorillas aren’t down with that.
Full story here.
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Monday, April 12, 2010
Troy, The owl who is afraid of HEIGHTS
For a Tawny Owl with a yardwide wingspan, the sky should be the limit.
But Troy prefers his bird's eye view to be no higher than 5ft 10in. The one-year-old has an inconvenient phobia: he's terrified of heights.
After an unfortunate start in life when he fell from his nest, Troy was raised in captivity by handler Gareth Tonen, who just happens to be 5ft 10in tall.
Read the full story here.
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God's Vacaion
God was tired and worn out.
So he spoke to St. Peter.
"You know, I need a vacation. Got any suggestions where I should go?"
St. Peter, thinking, nodded his head, then said,
"How about Jupiter? It's nice and warm there this time of the year."
God shook His head before saying,
"No, too much gravity. You know how that hurts my back."
"Hmmm," St. Peter reflected.
"Well, how about Mercury?"
"No way!" God muttered. "It's way too hot for me there!"
"I've got it," St. Peter said, his face lighting up.
"How about going down to Earth for your vacation?"
Chuckling, God remarked,
"Are you kidding? Two thousand years ago I went there,
had an affair with some nice Jewish girl,
and they're STILL talking about it!"
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So he spoke to St. Peter.
"You know, I need a vacation. Got any suggestions where I should go?"
St. Peter, thinking, nodded his head, then said,
"How about Jupiter? It's nice and warm there this time of the year."
God shook His head before saying,
"No, too much gravity. You know how that hurts my back."
"Hmmm," St. Peter reflected.
"Well, how about Mercury?"
"No way!" God muttered. "It's way too hot for me there!"
"I've got it," St. Peter said, his face lighting up.
"How about going down to Earth for your vacation?"
Chuckling, God remarked,
"Are you kidding? Two thousand years ago I went there,
had an affair with some nice Jewish girl,
and they're STILL talking about it!"
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Clever Clerk
In a department store, a difficult customer and a very patient clerk
were having a hard time getting together.
Nothing the clerk provided was suitable.
Finally, the finicky shopper said in annoyance,
"Can't you find a smarter clerk to serve me?"
"No," said the saleswoman.
"The smarter clerk saw you coming and disappeared."
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were having a hard time getting together.
Nothing the clerk provided was suitable.
Finally, the finicky shopper said in annoyance,
"Can't you find a smarter clerk to serve me?"
"No," said the saleswoman.
"The smarter clerk saw you coming and disappeared."
via
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Friday, April 9, 2010
Jedi Bathrobe
“Possibly the greatest garment in the galaxy, the Jedi Bathrobe is made from soft 100% cotton velour with an embroidered Jedi logo. Featuring a large hood to conceal your straggly ponytail, wide sleeves to conceal your robotic hand and a sash belt to conceal your Jedi weapon (yes, the loofah) this adult size robe is certainly not for younglings.”
Buy it here.
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Thursday, April 8, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Philosopher and Driver
A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his driver, who listened in awe at every speech while his boss would easily answer questions about morality and ethics.
Then one day the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for the evening's lecture.
The philosopher agreed and, for a while, the driver handled himself remarkably well. When it came time for questions from the guests, a woman in the back asked, "Is the epistemological view of the universe still valid in an existentialist world?"
"That is an extremely simple question," he responded. "So simple, in fact, that even my driver could answer that, which is exactly what he will do.
via
Then one day the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for the evening's lecture.
The philosopher agreed and, for a while, the driver handled himself remarkably well. When it came time for questions from the guests, a woman in the back asked, "Is the epistemological view of the universe still valid in an existentialist world?"
"That is an extremely simple question," he responded. "So simple, in fact, that even my driver could answer that, which is exactly what he will do.
via
Saturday, April 3, 2010
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