Thursday, October 29, 2009

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Newspaper Bloopers




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Great Way To Escape Class



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Technology Quiz

There is a Twilight Zone episode where a businessman makes a pact with the Devil, which allows him to go back in time so that he can capitalize off of his knowledge about the future. It turns out though that the businessman’s knowledge about the future is all superficial and thus he is unable to jump start any technological advancements by traveling back in time. This would likely be the plight of most contemporary humans if they were sent back in time. While we rely greatly on technology, most of us don’t know much about how it actually works and where the materials to make it come from.

If you were to travel 2000 years into the past, how useful would you be in jumpstarting technological advancements? This 10 question quiz will help you figure out your technological usefulness. If you do poorly on the quiz, as most people likely will, then just let that inspire you to study up more on how things work and where raw materials come from.

Take the quiz here.

My result....



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Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Slow Motion Water Drops Bounces



It bounce!

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Twitter Simplified



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Warning!



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Shark Under Fish Clouds



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Wheelchair access



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Messy House

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?

"Yes," was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

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Twin Toilet Mirror Prank



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Friday, October 23, 2009

Dodge Viper Crash


EMBED-Idiot Wrecks Brand New Dodge Viper - Watch more free videos

Dodge Viper failed to dodge traffic

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10 Unique uses for tea bags



Everyone is familiar with the health benefits of tea: it fights cancer, reduces risk of stroke and other diseases, and revitalizes body cells. Yet, after you’ve drained your delicious cup of tea, you find yourself discarding the used tea bags. Well, don’t. You’ll be surprised at the number of ways you can reuse these materials. Here are a number of unique and surprising uses for those old tea bags.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Don't Work Too Hard



An example that no one notices your hardwork.

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Human Meat



If some aliens were to havest and packaged us in their supermarket, this will be how it looks.

After Shave



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Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Hidden Camera Sniper Prank



“The Japanese hidden camera show “Panic Face King” tricks man into thinking that he is filming a documentary about telephone scammers. Shortly after the interview begins, a sniper attacks, delivering what appear to be fatal wounds to everyone else in the room… Hilarity ensues.”


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Fat Ronald McDonald



The effects of fast food.

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List of Emoticons



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Monday, October 19, 2009

Fake Pregnancy Test Kits




Great for Marriage, Extortions and Laughs. Might give a heart attack to some.

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Hang Man Lamp

Recycling



Oh, its McRonald. I thought it's McDonald.

50th Anniversary

On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her wedding night and put it on. She went to her husband, a retired military man, and asked, 'Honey, do you remember this?'

He looked up from his newspaper and said; 'Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married.'

She said, 'Yes, that's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?'

He nodded and said 'Yes dear, I said; Oh baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those boobs and screw your brains out.'

She giggled and said; 'That's exactly what you said. So now it's fifty years later, and I'm in the same negligee. What do you have to say tonight?'

He looked her up and down and said; 'Mission Accomplished!!.'

Shoe Shine and Shave

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine."

The barber began to lather his face and sharpen the old straight edge while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.

The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room."

She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that."

The cowboy said, "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference." She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you."

Random Thoughts

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on facebook people that I do know, but i deliberately choose not to be friends with?

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories.

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection. ·

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far. ·

While watching the Olympics, I found myself cheering equally for China and the US. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. ·

I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit ·

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time.

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Thursday, October 15, 2009

Extremely Useful Advertisement



Indian mobile operator AIRCEL hung up an advertising billboard with an inflatable boat on a street in Mumbai. A real one, of course.
The slogan reads "In case of emergency, cut the rope." 15 July 2009, the city was hit by downpour, flooding the city.
And then the people were finally able to take advantage of advertising...


See more pics here.

BC



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Perfectly Placed Ads



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Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Anger!



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Socialism

An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had once failed an entire class.

That class had insisted that Obama’s socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.

The professor then said, “OK, we will have an experiment in this class on Obama’s plan”.

All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A.

After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B.
The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy.

As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.
The second test average was a D!
No one was happy.

When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.

The scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.

All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.

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Do Not Cheat

Photobucket

At least not when your opponent's fans are nearby.

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Toast Time Helper



Anything more than 2 minutes are toasted.

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No Link



No idea what they are trying to get to.

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Monday, October 12, 2009

Water Fly



Nicely taken

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Blue Pepsi



Refreshing color!

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2 Nuns and the Blind Man

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude.

In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.

“Who is it?” calls one of the nuns.

“Blind man,” replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other, shrug, and decide that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room.

They open the door.

“Nice boobs,” says the man. “Where do you want these blinds?”

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Correct Position To Move Bowels



Not sure how true this is.

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Unique Wine Holder



Modern art, our Gravity Leather Wine Bottle Holder displays your wine for all to see in a unique way. Just insert the neck of your wine into this black genuine Italian leather wine bottle holder and watch as it defies gravity to your guests amazement. An elegant and unique way to display your favorite wine bottles, perfectly balanced in mid-air!


Buy here.

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Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Interesting Candles




More interesting candles here.

Fortified Nest



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Cap The Wrong Way



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Heaven Transport

Three guys died and when they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter met them there.

St. Peter said, "I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. But before I let you into heaven, I have to ask you a couple of questions.Make sure you tell the truth because if you don't, we'll have to ask you to visit the beast below. Your answers will also determine what kind of car you will get.You have to have a car here in heaven because it is so huge!"

St. Peter asked the first man, "How long were you married?"

The guy replied, "24 years."

St. Peter then asked, "Did you ever cheat on your wife?"

The guy said, "Yeah, about 10 times... but you said I was forgiven."

Peter said, "Yes, but that's not too good. Here's a Pinto for you to drive."

The second guy got the same questions from Peter to which he replied, "I was married for 41 years and cheated on her only once, but that was during our first year and we worked it out. I was faithful thereafter."

Peter said, "I'm pleased to hear that. Here's a Mercedes SUV for you to drive."

The third guy said, "Peter, I know what you're going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn't even look at another woman!I treated my wife like a queen!"

Peter said, "Now that's what I like to hear! Here's a Jaguar for you to drive."

A little while later, the two guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto saw the guy with the Jaguar crying on the golden sidewalk, so they went to see what was the matter. When they asked him what was wrong he tearily said, "I just saw my wife and she was on a skateboard!"

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Lift Turbo Button



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Did you know?



Another fact video.

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