Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Mario's Costume



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Snake Bus



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Unique Cake Cutter



The simple task of slicing a nice piece of cake and getting it to your plate can be quite difficult sometimes… You no longer have to worry about the perfection of your slicing and the piece toppling over as you move it to your plate! The server cuts a uniform slice every time and the squeeze of the handle keeps the cake in the server until you release it.


Read more here.

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Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Malaysian fighter jet engine stolen from airbase

Malaysia will take action against air force personnel involved in the theft of a 14.5-million-dollar fighter jet engine sold to a South American company, according to reports Sunday.

Defence Minister Ahmad Zahid Hamidi said the company hired an agent to take the 50-million-ringgit engine out of the country from a military airbase, the Star newspaper and national news agency Bernama reported.

"The ministry will take legal action at the international level to charge the company involved," he was quoted as saying by Bernama, without specifying the type of action or identifying the company.

"Stern action will also be taken against the Royal Malaysian Air Force staff involved for betraying the country," the minister added.

Air force officers found the jet engine was missing late last year during a routine maintenance service, but the matter became public only after the English-language New Straits Times published a report on Saturday.

The newspaper also said police had arrested four individuals, including the buyer, the seller and air force personnel who assisted in stealing the engine, used as powerplant for a single-seat fighter and reconnaissance aircraft.

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Monday, December 21, 2009

Alcohol troubleshooting chart



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How to Avoid a Dog Attack

Step 1
Never, EVER, look an angry dog in the eye.

Step 2
Things NOT to do:

*Do not let him get behind you!
Dogs naturally attack from behind.
*Do not baby talk!
That's a sign of submission and gives the dog the upper hand.
*Do not smile!
That's as good as bearing your teeth to an attacking dog.
*Do not run away!
You won't get far!

Step 3
That being said, if the dog is charging, do the following.

*You MUST face the attacking dog! Turn your body towards it but don't look at it. (This goes against our instincts, but it must be done.)
*Place anything you might be carrying infront of you. A purse, backpack, ect.
*Look away from the dog, but not WAY away. Head up, turned SLIGHTLY away from Fido, and keep him in your pereferal vision. The dog must be able to see your face to read it.
*Make yourself BIG. Put your hands on your hips and keep your chin up. Stand tall!
*Stay calm.

Step 4
Now comes the interesting part.
You must "radiate" your intentions. Wait, don't close the page! This isn't newage mumbo-jumbo. Our bodies have been reflecting our thoughts through body language since our earliest ancenstors. So here is what you must think and feel:
"I do not want to fight, but I will not back down. This is my space. I do not want to intrude on yours."
Repeat this in your mind over and over until you see a change in Fido.

Step 5
After some time, the first sign of acceptance by the dog should be him looking away. Don't be fooled, you're still his main focus, he's just telling you that you're not lunch any more.

He may continue to bark, and follow, but he's much less likely to harm you.

Step 6
Back away slowly. Once you're at a comfortable distance, you may turn and keep walking.

Voila, you're unscathed!

Step 7
You may be interested to know what dogs are trying to tell you, or if they're REALLY attacking, or just letting you know who's boss. Let me help clear things up by reading my article on dog body language.

Read more here.

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Wash for free



Thanks Unreality

Union vs Employer

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse.
The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing
the sick-leave provisions set out by their contract.
One morning at the bargaining table,
the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper,
"This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!"
There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee,
who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.
A union negotiator broke the silence in the room.
"Wow!" he said.
"Just think of the score he could have had if he wasn't sick!"

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Inflation

A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each..
Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch time,
and as he passed the pretzel stand,
he would leave her a quarter,
but never take a pretzel.
And this went on for more then 3 years.
The two of them never spoke.
One day, as the young man passed the old lady's stand
and left his quarter as usual,
the pretzel lady spoke to him.
Without blinking an eye she said:
"They're 35 cents now."

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Holiday Tips



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Mechanic Owner



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Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Birdy Flight



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Top Ten Reason A Santa Resembles A System Admin

1. Santa is bearded, corpulent, and dresses funny.

2. When you ask Santa for something, the odds of receiving what you wanted are infinitesimal.

3. Santa seldom answers your mail.

4. When you ask Santa where he gets all the stuff he's got, he says, "Elves make it for me."

5. Santa doesn't care about your deadlines.

6. Your parents ascribed supernatural powers to Santa, but did all the work themselves.

7. Nobody knows who Santa has to answer to for his actions.

8. Santa laughs entirely too much.

9. Santa thinks nothing of breaking into your HOME.

10. Only a lunatic says bad things about Santa in his presence.

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Death



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True Love



note: tattooed on her back is her WoW username, and the aim logo.

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Monday, December 14, 2009

Differentiate

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, "what's the matter?"

The fellow replies, "well I've got these two horses (sniff,sniff), and well... I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."

The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of somthing he can do. "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?"

The man stops crying and says, "that sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it."

A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before. "What's the matter now?" the bartender asks.

The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, "I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!" The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, "why don't you try shaving the mane, maybe that will not grow back."

The fellow stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves. A few months later the fellow is back in the bar. The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of a state. Without the bartender even asking the fellow breaks into his problems. "I.. I shaved the (sob) mane of one of the (sniff) horses, and... it... it... grew back!"

The bartenter, now furious at the guy's general stupidity, yells, "for crying out loud, just measure the stupid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!" The fellow can not believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar.

The next day the fellow comes running back into the bar as if he had just won the lottery. "It worked, it worked!" he exclaims. "I measured the horses and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!"

The Real Beer

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."

Death Bed Confession

A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family: a weeping wife and four children. Three of the children are tall, good looking and athletic; but, the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt.
"Darling wife," the husband whispers, "assure me that the youngest child really is mine. I want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if ..."
The wife gently interrupts him. "Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no question, I swear on my mother's grave that you are his father."
The man then dies, happy. The wife mutters under her breath: "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

Monday, December 7, 2009

Instant Karma: Guy mocking reporter falls down stairs



View video here.

Another Massive Accident



Read more about it here.

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Young Pilot

A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies.

This was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime, and instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said, “Guess who?”

The controller switched the field lights off and replied, “Guess where!”

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Designer Oil Lamp



“Interior decoration is way lot tougher than you think. It’s always the small knick-knacks and the carefully thought-out pieces that make your apartment reflect your style and personality. There is helluva difference between just lighting an ordinary candle and something as classy as the Migration Single Oil Lamps. Besides a designer touch, the precision-machined stainless steel torch encasing the fiberglass wick, creates magic lighting.”


More pics here.

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Massive Accident



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Three Legged Chicken

A man was driving down the road and noticed a three legged chicken racing along beside his car.

When he looked at the speedometer he realized that the chicken was running over 75 miles per hour. The amazed driver followed the chicken for several miles until the chicken turned down a gravel road. The driver followed the chicken to a huge poultry farm. All around the farm there were three legged chickens as far as the eye could see.

The driver stopped his car and then seeing the farmer feeding the chickens he asked him about the three legged chickens.

"Well you see," started the farmer, "I am a genetic engineer and the leg is my favorite piece of chicken. It is also the favorite piece of my wife and my son. I got tired of having everybody fighting over the leg at dinner so I just developed a chicken with enough legs for us all."

"What a great idea!"said the driver, "How do these three legged chickens taste?"

"Well, "said the scientific farmer, "I don't know. I've never been able to catch one!"

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Friday, December 4, 2009

Face It



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Funny Ads



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Paper Plane AeroDynamics



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99% Gold Plated Pencil



Gold is currently at the highest price it has ever been.
korean designer daisung kim has sent us images of his new design '24K pencil'.
hand crafted, the surface of the pencil is carefully plated with a thin layer
of actual 99% pure gold.


More pics here.

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Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Words of Wisdom



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Dreams



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Wrecking Ball Hits Car



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Death in the Holy Land

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.

The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

Nose Trimming Ads



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Work Out Shirt



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Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Your Last Supper -- 10 Foods That Could Kill You Dead

Ever eaten so much food you thought you might die? If you're like most Americans, at some point today you'll experience the gut-busting pain of cramming way too much food down your gullet.

The good news is that too much turkey probably won't actually kill you. But if you were to gobble down one too many apricots, cyanide-containing stones and all, there's a definite chance you could die, as fatalities in large apricot-growing areas such as Turkey have proven.

Investigating the darker side of our culinary world, Asylum intrepidly discovers the foodstuffs that could actually kill you.


Read more here.

Words of Wisdom



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