Monday, August 31, 2009

Who wants to be a millionaire winner - John Carpenter



He won the million using just one life line... watch how he answer the final question...

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New pastor in town

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store.

As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked,

"Son, can You tell me where the Post Office is?"

The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a coupla blocks

and turn to your right."

The man thanked the boy kindly and said,

"I'm the new pastor in town.I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday.

I'll show you how to getto Heaven."

The little boy replied with a chuckle.

"Awww, come on... You don't evenknow the way to the Post Office."

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Colonel Sanders



Hmm... the head without the body makes it looks like a drumstick...

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Friday, August 28, 2009

Hangover Anatomy



A heavy drink bout affects nearly every system of the body for up to 24 hours....

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Morning Glory Clouds



Explanation: What causes these long, strange clouds? No one is sure. A rare type of cloud known as a Morning Glory cloud can stretch 1,000 kilometers long and occur at altitudes up to two kilometers high. Although similar roll clouds have been seen at specific places across the world, the ones over Burketown, Queensland Australia occur predictably every spring. Long, horizontal, circulating tubes of air might form when flowing, moist, cooling air encounters an inversion layer, an atmospheric layer where air temperature atypically increases with height. These tubes and surrounding air could cause dangerous turbulence for airplanes when clear. Morning Glory clouds can reportedly achieve an airspeed of 60 kilometers per hour over a surface with little discernible wind. Pictured above, photographer Mick Petroff photographed some Morning Glory clouds from his airplane near the Gulf of Carpentaria, Australia.

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Double Rainbow in Keepmoat Stadium



Nature provided a stunning backdrop to a football match last night in the form a dramatic double rainbow.

The colourful bow arched over the Keepmoat Stadium yesterday evening, as players from Doncaster Rovers and Tottenham Hotspurs filed onto the pitch

Read more here.

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Thursday, August 27, 2009

Elevator Illusion



Going into this elevator would certainly makes one nervous.
A sign at the entrance cautions the people that goes in about work in progress.
A more detailed look shows that the floor has been
painted with an illusion that there is no floor

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2012 Maya Calendar Mystery Solved



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Humpty Dumpty



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Facebook bloopers



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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

A Dirty Mind






Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
‘Please wake me at 5:00 AM .’ He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, ‘It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.’

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Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Batman pwns Joker



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Chart - Duration of work to afford a big mac...



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Burger King in ketchup



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Funny Online Conversation

i8b4uUnderground> d-_-b
bonynomore>how u make that inverted b?
bonynomore>wait
bonynomore>never mind

mage>what should I give sister for unzipping?
kevyn>Um. Ten bucks?
mage>no I mean like, WinZip?

Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s’mores and all… and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor’s house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire….
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing…

death09>my girlfriend broke up with me and sent me pix of her and her new boyfriend in bed
ktp753>ouch.
death09>yeah.i sent them to her dad

nes>lol
nes>I download something from Napster
nes>And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I’m done
nes>I message him and say “What are you doing? I just got that from you”
nes>“getting my song back fucker”

jontg>Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it’d go all the way from A to Z
jontg>wait, shit

night-hen-gayle>I gotta go. There’s a dude next to me and he’s watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me out. Yes dude next to me, I mean you.

sonium>someone speak python here?
lucky>HHHHHSSSSSHSSS
lucky>SSSSS
sonium>the programming language

volteface`>don’t you hate it when you shit on the floor, and you can hear it fall but you have no idea where it actually landed, and spend like 5 minutes looking for it
peng>…
peng>what?
volteface`>oh shit
volteface`>don’t you hate it when you DROP shit

[TN]FBMachine> i got kicked out of barnes and noble once for moving all the bibles into the fiction section

sui88>67% of girls are stupid
v-girl>i belong with the other 13%

<@David> Yay I get laid today! Been a month…. needing it by now
<@Sony> ………..
<@Sony> TMI TMI TMI
<@David> Only a few hundred pounds but its better than nothing
Thanks for the info
<@David> eh?
<@David> damn i meant PAID
<@David> I get PAID today
<@David> dammit

More here.

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Half Shaved



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Monday, August 24, 2009

New Office Policy

Dress Code

1. You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci Bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raiser.
3. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therfore you do not need a raise.

4. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

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Educational Emails

I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now, and seem to have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a public restroom door without using a paper towel. And I don't have them put lemon slices in my ice water for worry about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

That's just a couple of things you taught me. I also can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I must send my special thanks to whomever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have gto use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

Really, I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use deodorants with cancer-causing ingredients (all of them), even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Because of your concern for my health, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it is so powerful it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up a $5 bill dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grap my leg.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the brown recluse spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5 p.m. tomorrow and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

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Electro Magnetic Waves Penetration



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Friday, August 21, 2009

Passport Office

Dear Sirs:



I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this!

How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a TV cable from them back in 1987, and yet the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have on my social security card, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health insurance card, my driver's license, on the last eight damn passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done at election times.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Maryanne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!! SHIT!

I apologize, I'm really pissed off this morning.. Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my freakin' address. What is going on? You have a gang of Neanderthal assholes workin' there! Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my ass on a sandy beach.

And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city and get another stinkin' copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60. Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?? Nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe makes sense. You'd rather have us running all over the freakin' place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some asshole to confirm that it's really me on the damn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic freakin' morons)

Hey, you know why we can't smile? We're totally pissed off!


Signed - An Irate Citizen.


P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776. I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had security clearances up the yin-yang. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN F------- INDIA !


Sincerely,

You Sure In The Hell Should Know Who. And we want them to run our health care?!?

Rich

Makes you wonder why we need to fill up forms at all...

Prizes

A guy walks into a bar and sits on a stool. in front of him he see's a big jar full of change and a little card that reads:
Hello, if you would like to win all of this money you have to make the horse at the end of the bar laugh.
COST $5

So, he puts in five dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. Two minutes later they come out and the horse is laughing so hard that he pissed on the floor. So the guy takes the money and leaves.

The next day the same guy walks in the bar again and see's the horse and the jar, this time it says:
You can win all of this if you make the horse cry.
COST $10
So he puts in 10 dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. Four minutes later they come out and the horse is crying like no body ever had.

So the guy takes the jar but before he could leave the bartender asks "How did you do that?"
The guy says "The first time I told him my dick was bigger than his and the second time I showed him!"

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Plane Crash



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Bravery



Now, who dares try this at home?

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No Objection

Brad had a blind date with Ashley for the prom and,
as the evening progressed, he found himself attracted to her more and more.
After the prom he drove to a secluded spot and parked.
After some really passionate embracing, he persuaded her to move into the backseat.
When things got heated up again he said,
"Tell me, do you object to making love?"
"That's something I have never done before,"
Ashley replied."Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?"
Brad was amazed.
"No, silly!" she giggled. "I've never objected!"

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Restroom designs



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Cigarette Antenna



When one is not enough...

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Time is running out



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HP Printer Invent Ads

HP - invent from Tom and Matt on Vimeo.



Who knows how much is paper and how much is special effects in this ad made in response to a challenge from Hewlett-Packard. The finished product, named "Invent" is impressive! Created by Matt Robinson and Tom Wrigglesworth. Music by Round Table Knights.



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Monday, August 17, 2009

It's gonna blow!!!



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Whose Line Is It Anyway?? Wayne Brady as Michael Jackson "getting older"



I like this show. Hilarious.

Thanks Jasper.

RIP: Benson the Giant Carp



At least you won't be caught again....

More on Benson here.

Stupid of the year...



Surveillance camera video shows a Pakistani student who does not understand the concept of electronic automatic doors. The video shows him looking up information on electronic doors before going through the door. When his papers didn't reveal any clues as to how to open the door, he suddenly bolts through it smashing the glass. No, it's not a joke.

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Sunday, August 16, 2009

Memo Block





What looks like a block of wood is actually made of post-it notes designed by Kenjiro Sano and it contains 1200 pages of memo notes. Kakuzai memo block beautifully brings out the relationship of wood and paper. And this reminds us of the printer advertisement that was posted in the past.


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Drunk Mosquito



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Google Then and Future





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Caffeine Causes and Cures Headaches

Norwegian scientists' large, cross-sectional study of more than 50,000 people has found that caffeine seems to both cause and prevent hurting heads.

In a study published in the Journal of Headache Pain, scientists at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology (NTNU) in Trondheim, Norway, concluded that people who consume high amounts of caffeine each day are more likely to suffer occasional headaches than those with low caffeine consumption.

However, they also found that low caffeine consumption was associated with a "greater likelihood of chronic headaches, defined as headaches for 14 or more days each month."

After noting that there was no obvious reason for the differences in the effect of caffeine on people, the researchers advised those who suffer from occasional headaches to try cutting back on caffeine. Those who suffer from chronic headaches may reduce the amount and frequency of headaches they receive by drinking caffeine.

via Livescience

Friday, August 14, 2009

BBQ Couple




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Parallel Parking Kid



You thought he's gonna fail don't you?

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Singapore’s Navy Ad Campaign




“Saatchi & Saatchi Singapore created a direct mail piece that when opened shows off a crisp, white Naval Officer’s jacket, complete with medals and decorations. The mock uniforms are to help the students better imagine themselves dressed for success. 6,000 direct mailers were mailed to graduating ‘A’ level students in December 2008. 4.7% of them responded, considered a higher than average response rate compared to previous direct mailers sent out.”


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B-2 bombers Look-a-like





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Thursday, August 13, 2009

Human Evolution




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Adoption



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Pepsi vs Coke Logo



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Opacity



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Right or Left



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The Bride Bribes

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer.

"Look, I’ll give you £100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out." He passed the clergyman the cash and walked away satisfied.

It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged

When it comes time for the groom’s vows, the vicar looks the young man in the eye and says: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."

The groom leaned toward the vicar and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."

The vicar put the £100 into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."

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Reason to slow down



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Wednesday, August 12, 2009